I always prepare what I want to say so I can stay calm and factual. But after a few minutes, we are talking about my tone or the time I did something similar two years ago. I end up saying sorry and the original issue disappears. I no longer know whether my reaction is disproportionate or whether the conversation really is going in circles.
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Most helpfulWhat helped me was describing one specific conversation to a friend, without first deciding whether I was overreacting. Her first question was: “Does this happen often?”
Your reaction deserves to be heard even if the other person’s intention remains unclear. Impact and repetition are already useful information.
I began asking myself: if a friend told me this exact story, would I say she was overreacting? The answer was almost always no.